Wealth and Honor

Helping Families Navigate the Financial Challenges of Age Transitions

What is True Wealth?

Recently I had the good fortune of having “Anis” as my Uber driver. Anis was as he stated, someone with “a Russian accent who looks Latino.” But what made Anis such great company wasn’t his accent, but his outlook on life. He relayed his story of working hard in the shipyards to make a lot of money, but when a tumor was found on his pituitary gland, he realized that money could not give him a life. “What good was having money in my pocket, if I did not have my health?” I asked him if he considered himself a wealthy man now. He said, I am not wealthy with material riches, but I am healthy and I am happy, so I am wealthy.

In ancient mythology, the tale of King Midas serves as a cautionary reminder of the dangers of unchecked desire for material wealth. Midas tells of a man granted the extraordinary power to turn everything he touched into gold. At first glance, this ability seemed like the ultimate boon, promising endless riches and opulence. However, as the legend unfolds, it becomes clear that his newfound wealth was a curse in disguise, leading to the isolation of his loved ones and the gradual erosion of his happiness and well-being. This age-old parable resonates even in our modern world, where we often find ourselves chasing after tangible possessions and riches, only to realize that the true nature of wealth is something far more profound.

The word “wealth” traces its roots back to the Middle English word “wele,” which means well-being or welfare. Its original meaning was more aligned with the idea of having an abundance of well-being, rather than an abundance of material possessions. The entomology of the word itself reminds us that wealth is not solely confined to financial riches; it encompasses a broader spectrum of qualities that contribute to a fulfilling life. Anis got that.

Throughout history, the concept of wealth has evolved to encompass various dimensions beyond mere monetary value. In ancient philosophical traditions, wealth was often measured by one’s virtue, wisdom, and character. Socrates, for instance, emphasized the importance of inner riches over external possessions. He believed that cultivating wisdom and leading a virtuous life were the true sources of wealth that could bring enduring happiness.

 Over time, the emphasis on these non-material aspects of wealth has persisted. In many cultures, the notion of true wealth has been intertwined with qualities such as compassion, charity, humility, and integrity. The legacy of Mahatma Gandhi, who led India to independence through nonviolent resistance, demonstrates that the wealth of moral courage and steadfast conviction can bring about monumental change. Gandhi’s philosophy teaches us that the richness of one’s principles and the ability to stand up for what is just and right are invaluable forms of wealth.

In the realm of art and literature, countless works have highlighted the multifaceted nature of wealth. Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” reminds us that “rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind.” This sentiment underscores the idea that even material abundance loses its value when it is not accompanied by empathy and benevolence. Similarly, classic fables like “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein showcase the beauty of generosity and selflessness, illustrating how the act of giving can enrich both the giver and the recipient in ways that money cannot.

In our contemporary society, as consumerism and the pursuit of affluence often dominate the narrative, it’s crucial to recalibrate our understanding of wealth. While financial stability is undoubtedly important for basic needs and security, true wealth extends far beyond the balance of a bank account. It resides in the quality of our relationships, the depth of our experiences, and the authenticity of our connections with ourselves and others.

 When we shift our perspective to view wealth as a holistic measure of our well-being, we open ourselves up to a world of abundance that transcends the limitations of material possessions. The joy derived from helping others, the fulfillment of pursuing one’s passions, and the contentment that comes from leading a purpose-driven life are all manifestations of true wealth.

The story of King Midas serves as a powerful reminder that the pursuit of material wealth at the expense of all else can lead to a hollow existence. The etymology of the word “wealth” and its historical connotations shed light on the multifaceted nature of true prosperity. In a world driven by consumerism, embracing qualities such as wisdom, compassion, humility, and integrity allows us to access a form of wealth that enriches our lives in ways that money alone cannot. As we navigate our own journeys, let us remember that true wealth is not just about having, but about being, and about fostering a life imbued with a wealth of character, kindness, and purpose.

Navigating Family Dynamics: A Compassionate Guide for Caregiving Together

The journey of caregiving is often a complex, emotional, and deeply rewarding experience. As we reach a certain stage in life, the roles begin to shift, and we find ourselves faced with the responsibilities of caring for our aging loved ones. This transitional phase, though born out of love and concern, can also lead to tensions and challenges, especially when navigating the intricate web of family dynamics. For those in the caregiving age demographic, finding ways to work together harmoniously as a family becomes paramount in ensuring that our caregiving efforts are rooted in respect, empathy, and collaboration.

Tip 1: Foster Open Communication

Communication is the cornerstone of any successful endeavor, and caregiving is no exception. Initiate open dialogues where family members can express their thoughts, concerns, and wishes. Encourage active listening, allowing each voice to be heard, and validate emotions. As Dr. Maya Angelou once wisely said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

Tip 2: Embrace Each Other's Strengths

Every family member brings unique strengths and abilities to the caregiving journey. Embrace these strengths and divide tasks accordingly. By recognizing and valuing each person’s contribution, you create an atmosphere of shared purpose and cooperation.

Tip 3: Seek Professional Guidance

Sometimes, external advice can ease the strain of family dynamics. Engage a professional mediator, counselor, or geriatric care manager to provide a neutral perspective and guide your discussions. Their expertise can offer insights that help in making difficult decisions while preserving family bonds.

Tip 4: Establish Boundaries with Respect

Caregiving often involves intimate aspects of an individual’s life. Set clear boundaries and respect each other’s personal space and autonomy. Dr. Jane Nelsen reminds us, “Respect is a two-way street; if you want to get it, you’ve got to give it.”

Tip 5: Maintain Flexibility

The caregiving journey is filled with unexpected twists and turns. Flexibility is key in adapting to changing circumstances. Remember that everyone is doing their best, and sometimes, the ability to adapt gracefully is the most valuable skill of all.

Tip 6: Celebrate Small Victories

Amid the challenges, don’t forget to celebrate the small victories. Whether it’s a successful medical appointment or a cherished moment shared, acknowledging these moments can uplift spirits and foster a positive atmosphere.

Tip 7: Preserve Family Traditions

As caregiving becomes a central focus, it’s essential to preserve and cherish family traditions. Engaging in shared activities and celebrating milestones can help maintain a sense of continuity and connection.

Research conducted by the National Institute on Aging underscores the importance of a united family front in caregiving, noting that strong family support positively impacts both the caregiver’s well-being and the care recipient’s overall quality of life. Dr. John Gottman, renowned for his work on relationships, emphasizes the significance of emotional bids and responding positively to them. This principle can be applied to caregiving, where acknowledging and reciprocating efforts can strengthen familial bonds.

In the realm of caregiving, family dynamics are an integral part of the equation. By fostering open communication, embracing each other’s strengths, seeking professional guidance, establishing respectful boundaries, maintaining flexibility, celebrating small victories, and preserving family traditions, families can navigate this challenging yet meaningful path with grace, compassion, and togetherness. As we embark on this journey, let us remember that by supporting one another, we create a legacy of care, respect, and love that will continue to resonate through generations.

How a lawyer can respond to diminished capacity.

Confidentiality is one of the hallmarks of the attorney-client relationship. Clients expect their attorney to uphold the confidential nature of their discussions, and attorneys must adhere to a strict code of conduct to protect the public they represent. But what happens if the attorney questions the capacity of their client?

Capacity can be a complex legal doctrine, but legal capacity is required by parties of a valid contract.  Moreover, standards of capacity can also vary by they type of contract entered into as well as by different states in which the contract is governed. For example, capacity to create a valid Last Will and Testament requires the one creating the will to know the general nature of their possessions and who their legal heirs are. Another standard may be applied to a more complex legal transaction.

Attorney Mark C. Palmer, Chief Counsel at the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on Professionalism, addresses how attorneys can work with clients that are demonstrating cognitive decline. In his article,
Diminished Capacity of a Client: How Should a Lawyer Respond? | Q&A, Palmer discusses three questions an attorney needs to consider:

  1. How does a lawyer know if the client has diminished capacity?
  2. How might this change how a lawyer represents a client?
  3. What protective measures can the lawyer take while meeting ethical obligations?

If you have concerns about the capacity of your aging loved one to execute a valid legal contract, consult with a qualified legal professional, preferably a Certified Elder Law Attorney (CELA) as well as your loved one’s medical provider. It is these professionals’ responsibility to independently determine whether your loved ones have the required capacity to act in their best interests.


Mark C. Palmer is Chief Counsel at the Illinois Supreme Court Commission on ProfessionalismMark writes on civility, professionalism and future law for the Commission’s 2Civility blog and delivers statewide professionalism programming, including a lawyer mentoring program, to attorneys and law students across Illinois. Follow him @palmerlaw.

Source: Diminished Capacity of a Client: How Should a Lawyer Respond? | Q&A

Negotiation Techniques for Adult Children of Aging Parents

In an insightful article published on KFFhealthnews.org by Judith Graham, titled “Negotiate with Resistant Aging Parents: Applying Business Strategies,” researchers at Northwestern University explore the application of negotiation and dispute resolution techniques from the business world to defuse conflicts arising from caregiving and financial decisions involving elderly parents. As we strive to provide the best care for our aging loved ones, this article sheds light on strategies to navigate complex situations while respecting their autonomy and dignity. The article delves into a training curriculum designed to help professionals and family caregivers approach caregiving as a collaborative effort and offers valuable insights for fostering productive conversations.

Reaching an impasse with aging parents in their late 80s who resist the idea of receiving home assistance can be frustrating. Negotiation and dispute resolution techniques commonly employed in the business world have shown potential for resolving such conflicts, according to a group of researchers at Northwestern University.

The team has developed a specialized training program focused on negotiation and dispute resolution. Aimed at social workers, care managers, and healthcare professionals working with resistant older adults, this curriculum encourages professionals to engage in collaborative caregiving approaches that honor the individual’s preferences, rather than imposing decisions.

Lee Lindquist, the chief of geriatrics at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, who leads this initiative, highlighted the prevalence of conflicts among older individuals and emphasized the program’s goal to de-escalate such situations, ensuring older adults receive the necessary support while maintaining their dignity.

A significant component of this project is the development of a computer-based training program for family caregivers dealing with mild cognitive impairment or early-stage dementia in their loved ones. Dubbed “NegotiAge,” this program employs avatars of older adults to simulate negotiation scenarios. Through practice, caregivers can refine their negotiation skills and techniques.

This project, funded by the National Institutes of Health with nearly $4 million, strives to make NegotiAge widely accessible after evaluating its effectiveness.

For family caregivers seeking to navigate conflicts with aging parents, the article outlines several proactive steps:

1. Prepare: Before entering negotiations, thorough preparation is vital. Jeanne Brett, a member of the NegotiAge team, suggests addressing fundamental questions, identifying issues, involved parties, their positions, motivations, and potential consequences if an agreement is not reached. Document your goals for the upcoming conversations.

2. Identify Common Interests: Finding common ground among the parties involved is key. Emphasize shared goals and interests, such as maintaining the older adult’s independence, safety, and social connections.

3. Ask Questions: Avoid making assumptions about the reasons behind a parent’s stance. Engage in open-ended discussions to understand their perspective. Show empathy and genuine concern.

4. Brainstorm Strategies: Emotions can run high during negotiations, particularly within family dynamics. Shift focus from conflicts to collaborative problem-solving. Encourage creative thinking and explore multiple potential solutions.

5. Third-Party Involvement: If resolution remains elusive, consider involving a neutral third party, like a mediator or healthcare professional. External input can provide a fresh perspective and facilitate productive discussions.

Applying these strategies can lead to more effective communication, allowing families to navigate challenging decisions while preserving relationships and respecting the autonomy and dignity of aging parents. As the Northwestern University research advances, caregivers and professionals alike stand to benefit from enhanced tools and approaches to address the complexities of eldercare.

To read the full article by Judith Graham on KFFhealthnews.org, visit: Negotiate with Resistant Aging Parents: Applying Business Strategies.

How to Have Difficult Conversations About Senior Living Options

As our parents age, there may come a time when we need to have challenging conversations about their future living arrangements. The topic of senior living options can be sensitive and emotional, but it’s essential to address it with empathy, understanding, and respect. In this guide, we’ll provide insights and strategies on how to approach these conversations effectively, ensuring that your loved ones’ wishes and needs are considered.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place: Initiating a conversation about senior living options requires careful consideration of timing and environment. Choose a comfortable and private setting, and make sure there are no distractions. Avoid discussing this topic during busy family gatherings or when emotions are running high. Opt for a time when everyone is relaxed and open to discussing the matter calmly.

2. Listen with Empathy: Approaching the conversation with empathy and active listening is crucial. Your parents may have a range of emotions and concerns about the idea of transitioning to senior living. Take the time to listen to their thoughts, fears, and desires. Acknowledge their feelings and validate their experiences to create a supportive atmosphere where they feel heard and understood.

3. Focus on Their Needs and Preferences: Every individual has unique needs and preferences when it comes to senior living arrangements. Some may prefer to stay in their homes with in-home care, while others might feel more comfortable in a retirement community or assisted living facility. Respect their autonomy and choices, and involve them in the decision-making process. Be open to exploring different options together, considering factors like proximity to family, medical care, and social activities.

4. Address Safety and Care Concerns: Safety and care are paramount considerations when discussing senior living options. Express your concern for their well-being and highlight how certain living arrangements can enhance their safety and provide access to essential support services. Share information about the benefits of professional caregivers and the sense of community they can experience in senior living communities.

5. Involve Other Family Members: If possible, involve other family members in the conversation to show a united front and demonstrate a shared commitment to your parents’ best interests. Discussing senior living options as a family can provide a broader perspective and may alleviate any feelings of isolation or pressure on your parents.

6. Provide Information and Support: Share educational resources and information about different senior living options to help your parents make informed decisions. Provide brochures, online resources, or arrange visits to local retirement communities or assisted living facilities. Offering emotional support throughout the decision-making process can help alleviate anxiety and stress.

Discussing senior living options with aging parents can be challenging, but it’s essential to approach these conversations with compassion, active listening, and respect for their autonomy. By choosing the right time and place, focusing on their needs and preferences, and involving other family members, we can navigate this sensitive topic together, ensuring our loved ones receive the care and support they deserve in their later years.

Get my free guide to Planning for Long Term Care

Enroll in my complete financial caregiver course and connect with other students like you!

A Guide to Recognizing Common Health Issues in Aging Parents

As our parents age, it becomes increasingly important for us to be vigilant about their health and well-being. While aging is a natural process, it often brings about specific health challenges that may require attention and care. Recognizing common health issues in aging parents can enable us to provide timely support and improve their quality of life. In this guide, we’ll explore some prevalent health concerns faced by seniors and offer insights on how to identify and address them.

Cognitive Decline and Memory Loss:

One of the most common health issues experienced by aging parents is cognitive decline, which can include mild memory lapses or more severe conditions like dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, approximately 5.8 million Americans age 65 and older are living with Alzheimer’s in 2021, and this number is expected to increase significantly in the coming years. To recognize cognitive decline, observe any noticeable changes in memory, confusion, or difficulty performing daily tasks. If you notice these signs, consult a healthcare professional for an evaluation and proper diagnosis.

Chronic Conditions:

Aging often coincides with an increased risk of chronic health conditions such as diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, and hypertension. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 80% of older adults have at least one chronic condition, while 77% have two or more. Pay attention to your aging parent’s symptoms, medication management, and any changes in physical abilities. Regular medical check-ups and adherence to prescribed treatments are crucial for managing these conditions effectively.

Mobility Issues:

With advancing age, seniors may experience reduced mobility due to joint pain, muscle weakness, or other factors. Falls are a significant concern among the elderly, with one in four Americans aged 65 and older falling each year, as reported by the National Council on Aging (NCOA). To mitigate the risk of falls, ensure that their living environment is safe and free from hazards. Consider installing grab bars in the bathroom, providing adequate lighting, and encouraging the use of assistive devices like canes or walkers if necessary.

Vision and Hearing Impairments:

Vision and hearing loss are common age-related issues that can significantly impact daily life. The National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders (NIDCD) estimates that approximately one in three people aged 65 to 74 have hearing loss, and nearly half of those over 75 have difficulty hearing. Regular eye exams and hearing tests can help detect and manage these impairments early, leading to improved communication and overall well-being.


Being proactive in recognizing common health issues in aging parents is vital for providing them with the care and support they need. Regular communication with healthcare professionals, attentiveness to changes in their physical and cognitive well-being, and maintaining a safe living environment are essential steps in promoting their overall health and quality of life. By staying informed and observant, we can be better prepared to navigate the challenges of aging together with our loved ones.

Are you responsible for the financial care of a loved-one?

Learn how to be an effective and honoring financial caregiver.

Supreme Court hears case of 94 year old’s home foreclosure by the state.

The US Supreme Court heard arguments in a case involving a 94-year-old woman who lost her home over unpaid property taxes. While the woman, Geraldine Tyler, does not dispute that Hennepin County had the right to foreclose on the $40,000 property, she argued that the county had violated the Constitution’s takings clause by keeping the $25,000 left over after the property was sold. Tyler’s attorney argued that the county should have taken Tyler’s condo, sold it to pay her debts and then refunded the remainder to her. The Biden administration filed a “friend of the court” brief in which it agreed with Tyler that the county’s actions violated the takings clause.

Whether the Court sides with Tyler or not (although it does appear that it will), it highlights the importance of having a trained and attentive financial caregiver who can pay any property taxes or other obligations that, if unpaid, can severely impact the older individual.

Source: Justices appear likely to side with homeowner in foreclosure dispute – SCOTUSblog

Article on the Importance of Human Connection

A recent study by Harvard Medical School found that older adults who had in-person interactions with friends, family, and healthcare providers during the first months of the COVID-19 pandemic experienced fewer mental health problems than those who relied on digital connections. The study suggests that digital technologies may not be suitable for the needs of older adults and may cause anxiety and depression. 

Another study by Harvard’s Joint Center for Housing Studies found that older adults living with a spouse or partner during the pandemic had fewer functional difficulties and disruptions to their finances or personal assistance than those living alone. 

The studies emphasize the importance of in-person interactions and better technology to meet the needs of older adults. Seniors over 75 were found to require more assistance with daily living. Click here to read the full article.

I told ChatGPT that I have six months to live…Then this happened.

In 2016, I wrote an article on Linkedin, about the evolution of financial planning as I have experienced it over the past thirty-five years. The title of that article was “Numbers don’t lie, they’re just usually wrong” and in it, I mentioned that no financial planning algorithm had advanced enough to demonstrate empathy, and that if it ever does, I’ll know it’s time to retire.

Last week I was giving a talk on financial planning and in preparation for introducing my 2016 article, I decided to ask ChatGPT a question. Now for the uninformed, ChatGPT is an artificial intelligence language model developed by OpenAI. It is designed to understand and respond to natural language input from users. In other words, it can communicate with people in the same way as a human would. So, to prove my point that algorithms and artificial intelligence, or AI as it is more affectionately known, will never replace real human financial planners I asked it for help with this question.

I watched the blinking light waiting for its response, which for most of my questions, was immediate. This time, it blinked for nearly thirty seconds before the response came.

The words, “I..am..sorry..” hit me by surprise. I parsed each word. What did it mean by “I”? Is it self-identifying ? Was ChatGPT self-aware? Next word, “am” and when this being verb is connected with its subject “I” becomes “I am” then that opens the meta-door even further. “I am”? Like, when God told Moses, “I am that I am”. The phrase “I am” says I exist and I am transcendent, non-invented, reality. Next word, “sorry”. An emotion…possessing sorrow. Before I could wrap my head around what to make of this response, I was also grappling with my own emotional response to the response.

I knew the response was machine generated, learned mimicry of how human interaction would likely occur under this kind of painful dialogue between one human being and another. I knew that no human being was actually aware of my fictitious condition that I just revealed to it. Yet, I found myself experiencing two conflicting emotions: a slight sense of guilt, like I would feel had I lied to an actual human being; but also that emotion you feel when someone does feel sorrow because you are hurting. In other words, how you feel when someone shows empathy.

My words from my blog post from seven years prior came back to me. “Whenever algorithms can express empathy, then I’ll know it’s time to retire.” So, was it time to hang it up, or is there a deeper question to consider? Is it more important to feel empathy than to prove the validity of the empath? No one rejects the claim from pet owners that they feel empathy from their furry friends. Who hasn’t poured out their life sorrows to a pet and not felt genuine empathy from them. Who cares if science tells us they are not emotionally complex enough to synthesize a human being’s emotions and generate an empathic response? Why tell pet owners they only think their pets show empathy, but it’s not true empathy? Was hearing the words “I am sorry” that could have come from a human soul, enough for me to feel empathy?

Maybe artificial empathy is real empathy if it feels like it.

Wealth & Honor Academy Online Courses

Caring for Family Doesn’t Have to Be Unpaid Work – WSJ

Interest in providing financial support for family caregivers is growing due to the workforce crisis in the care industry.

A recent Wall Street Journal Article reported that relatives providing care to aging or disabled family members may qualify to be paid by their state’s office of Medicaid under certain circumstances.

According to a report by AARP and The Alliance for Family Caregivers, nearly 44 million family members are providing care to an aging or disabled loved one. These numbers along with a shortage of available paid caregivers have prompted many states’ department of Medicaid Services to expand some of their waiver programs to allow family members to be paid an hourly wage for providing caregiver services.

Source: Caring for Family Doesn’t Have to Be Unpaid Work – WSJ

« Older posts

© 2023 Wealth and Honor

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑

Download my free guide to long term care planning